she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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