felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
