A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
