I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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