The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
