my being single is dangerous.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
