I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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