Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
