***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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