I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
