so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
not ubering you a puppy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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