You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
