Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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