just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
