i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
