chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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