god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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