My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
