Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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