Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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