i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I want a musical about memes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
