I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
