its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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