and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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