Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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