Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
