I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
