you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
