You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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