Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
