there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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