I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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