You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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