I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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