she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
