I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
