The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
