have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
