Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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