Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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