i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
