Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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