Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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