Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
