I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
