Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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