I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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