Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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