Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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