I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
