worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
They took my balls.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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