I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
