OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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