I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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