I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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