JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
