if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
