kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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