So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
