Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
