If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
