I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
