My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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