I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
