I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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