i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
