Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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