I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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