Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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